Relaxation? I think not

So, after enjoying the last week, I realize that I have to prepare for the week ahead. See, my husband missed most of the preceding week because he had stacked his days off for this week since his brother was going to be in town for a week. As we were expecting company, I needed to get the house in order, which is no small task with two young children running around.

I decide that since both of my husband's brothers will be here for the weekend, and both of our children are male, it would be a great opportunity for them to have some male bonding, i.e. a boys' weekend. I make reservations in a local hotel, and figure I will take this opportunity to catch up with myself, my reading, my friends, etc. Sounds good so far, doesn't it? Well, I have to tell you what a genius I am.

When I booked the hotel room, I made sure I got a room with a whirlpool tub. Now, I am not much of a bath taker, I prefer showers, but at the time it just sounded so inviting. I check into the hotel, make sure the room looks pretty decent and head back out. I start off my weekend by going to a local bookstore to start my indulgence. After casually perusing the aisle, (truly a guilty pleasure, rather than a harrowing dart), I pick out two books to purchase. So far, so good.

On my way back to the hotel, I decide I want to pick up dinner to take back to the room, rather than eating in a restaurant. Again, the theme is indulgence, so I decide on Indian food. Its not something I can have very often because there is no way in hell that my kids will even think about trying it. So I order a sampler plate, some curry, some rice, some vegetable. It smells delicious. I get back to the room and leisurely enjoy my meal and my book. The tv doesn't get turned on even once.

I decide that this is a nice relaxing evening and what better way to cap it off then to take a nice long hot bath. So I start to draw the bath water and realize that the switch for the jets is on the light switch when you walk into the bathroom. No problem, I will just make sure to fill the water above the jets before I get in. So I take my time, slowly melting into the tub. I am in no longer than 5 minutes when I feel the Indian food kick in. Uh oh, now I need to get out and rather quickly. I start to stand up, and doesn't one of the jets start to spray water across the room. I quickly turn on the water to fill the tub higher, because I don't want to sit back down, I need to get out NOW! Then I realize as I look at the wall where the water has hit it with the force of a firehose, that it has made a direct hit on the toilet paper roll. I quickly reach for the switch to turn off the jets, but the damage is done. I will spare you all the details, but I will share with you what I have learned from this experience.

There is a reason I don't bathe, I shower. When eating something that your system doesn't get very often, eat small amounts. And lastly, if the switch for the whirlpool jets is out of reach, don't turn it on.

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MIA

So, I haven't posted a blog in over a week, as I had stated I would. Well, the reason being that my children have been sick. My three year old is a complete nightmare leading up to his actually coming down with whatever illness he is going to have. Usually for two to three days prior to showing any symptoms, I feel like the devil has invaded my child's body and I contemplate calling a priest for an exorcism. If I say black, he not only says white, he screams it repeatedly while destroying every toy in his way. When I finally wrestle him into his room for a nap, he proceeds to stay in his room removing everything from his drawers, bed, and closet and throwing it into the middle of the room. No matter what food I prepare for him, he refuses to eat is while whining phrases like, "I don't like dinner" or "I don't want peanut butter and jelly" (his favorite by the way). Then just when I am reaching for the phone number for the orphanage, he becomes a hacking, coughing, fever running mess. Of course then I feel horrible for ever thinking about just how much money I could get for him on the black market.

However, the second phase of the week kicks in. He is sick, miserable, clingy, but doesn't want you too close. He is up every hour on the hour with some croupy cough, leaving him and me with little to no sleep. If his little brother gets anywhere too close to him, all hell breaks loose. The only thing he wants is "honey juice" (warm orange juice with honey in it for his cough, which works as good if not better than cough medicine). By the end of the day, I am exhausted and can only pray for sleep. However, there is a much crueler plan in store for me. My child will again be up, perhaps not with the same frequency, but instead has added in projectile vomiting. We go through the dance of me changing his sheets and bedding, getting him all tucked in, and just as I am about to (or just have) turned out the light, it starts all over again. Of course this is through no fault of his own, but it still takes its toll on all of us. And just as I think we are through the worst of it, his little brother takes over where big brother left off. I know, I should be grateful that they are getting these illnesses now and hopefully will avoid them once they start school. But to be honest, that is of little consolation.

So you will have to forgive me for not keeping my commitment to the blog. Its not that I didn't long to sit and post my thoughts, it was that I didn't have the energy to push the 'on' button on my computer.

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A question thats asked...

Ive been asked alot by non police wives :

How do you sleep at night knowing your husband is out there?



Well, let me tell you; when Mr Deputy and I first got together nights were easy. We lived in a house not only with my 2 daughters and his son but His sister and her now husband, So i was never alone. { iam still technically never alone since the kids are here..lol} I had P and C to talk to during the night until i was tired and went to bed. It wasnt until after they moved out that things were rough on me.



Once i was in the house alone with just the kids the nights started getting harder on me. One because we use to live in the ghetto and i was scared of someone breaking in and killing/raping/torturing me and my children. It was a constant stream of fear for me. At the begining a never really had the fear of something happening to Mr Deputy; I had that "he wont get hurt he is invinsible" thing going on.



Last year on June 15th I got a fat reality check off that one. Mr Deputys Partner was killed and i realized JUST how close it came to being Mr Deputy. Since we had moved into a better neighborhood my fears had pretty much gone away until that night. After that I didnt sleep at night for 3 months. I pretty much begged Mr Deputy to find a way to stay home after he finally went back. When he couldnt call in anymore and had to return to work I did my best to put on my confident face and kiss him good bye and let him actually go out the door. Once he was gone though it was a whole other story.



The first few weeks i would actually put both Mr A and Miss O in bed with me. i needed that comfort of my children there with me. Although i never slept; after they would pass out i would get up and browse the internet until 3-4 in the morning when i knew it would be close to Mr Deputy coming home. I have to admit that Mr Deputy must have sensed my uneasyness because he would text me alot during the night. Just simple Hi, whatcha doing type texts... you know the kinds that when you read between the lines say: " I know your worried about me and I dont want you to worry and i am alright and I love you" So that eased things a little.



I had the support of a few close friends that didnt mind me keeping them up late at night :) to them i am truly grateful. and I found Support sites. It was nice to know that there were other woman { and a few males} out there that understand everything that goes into the Law Enforcement lifestyle.



So I guess to answer peoples questions i would say that; I make it through the night by having the confidence in knowing that Mr Deputy does his best to stay safe while out there; He has proper training with his job. I have the confidence in knowing that he is out their protecting others all the while waiting to come home to his family. I have the confidence in knowing that i have support from close friends and Spouses of Law Enforcement sites. I pray to god each night that Mr Deputy and his shift stay safe. and I have Faith that when i lay down to go to sleep i wont be woken up because its "the night" that something terrible happens to Mr Deputy.



Am i totally convienced that everything will be ok all the time. No i am not. I still have the fear but i have learned that if you let the fear consume you you will never be able to function a daily life while he is on shift. Its all a balance of keeping busy and praying that you dont get that knock on the door.


So my question to fellow PW's is How do you make it through the night?

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Finding strength part I

It's Saturday morning and I am listening to the sound of my children playing. I consider myself lucky today. My husband will be home later this afternoon and for that reason, I am very lucky. It wasn't all that long ago when we would not see him for days, sometimes weeks. See, I was spoiled for a long time. When I met my husband he had a position that allowed him to work Monday thru Friday, normal daytime hours. He also had all the major (and some not so major) holidays off. Then he decided he wanted to promote. I supported (and still do) his decision. I helped him study, grilled him for his oral boards, and helped him fine tune his resume. When he made the promotional list, we celebrated. Although I knew that this meant a return to shift work, because I had not experienced it previously, it took a bit of adjusting.

Then the offers began to roll in for openings. As he works for a state agency, this left the possibility of relocation on the table. What we were not expecting was the economic conditions that have hit our country and especially the state we live in so hard. We went from being excited about the prospect of moving our family to a new area, to realizing that we could not afford to make the move as a family. Then he was assigned to his new area. It was five hours away. I was devastated. He and I had not been away from each other for more than a few days since we had dated. Our children were very young, one still an infant. As a stay at home mom, I didn't realize just how much I had taken for granted his companionship and adult conversation. I didn't know if I had the strength. I couldn't share my disappointment and fear with him. He was about to embark on a journey of his own and without the comfort of family near him.

I put on my best supportive face and threw him a going away party. The kids and I surprised him with photos for his desk and new apartment. We packed up our car and drove up with him to his new post. When we drove away, I wanted to sob, but I couldn't because our children were in the backseat and I didn't want to scare them. As it was, they were too young to understand what was going on. We made the long drive home. It wasn't until I walked into our bedroom and realized that all of his stuff was gone, that it fully hit me. I sobbed like a baby, for my children, for my husband and all that he would miss in our children's lives, and for myself. I was now a single mother whether I liked it or not.

I know that this year was as hard on my husband as it was on myself and the children, but in very different ways. In the beginning, we both had to adjust to being lonely. Although we spoke everyday by phone and occasionally through a webcam, it still wasn't the same. He was surrounded by new people, in a new position, in a new city. He was the low man on the totem pole, and that in itself can be stressful. He missed his family, his home, and everything familiar. For our children and myself, there was a giant hole in our lives. Daddy wasn't there for us when we fell and scraped our knees, when we took our first steps, or when we needed a shoulder to cry on. I continually told myself that I shouldn't be upset and how fortunate we were that he was only five hours away. I couldn't and still can't imagine what military families go through when their loved ones go off to war and there is the uncertainty of their safe return. But no matter how many times you repeat those words, it does not fill the void in your heart.

We made it through that year. It wasn't easy, but we all searched deep down inside and pulled it together. There were times that I wanted to throw in the towel. It was heart wrenching to explain to our then 2 year old that Daddy had to leave again after being home for 72 hours, to go back to work. He would stand in the doorway and watch as my husband drove away and then he would wail, "I want my daddy". When our youngest said his first words, I never expected them to be "Bye bye Daddy". On the days that our two year old was being two, I cursed my husband. Our child is a very stubborn child, and sometimes cannot be persuaded to do anything. Those are the times when I really needed a break, because we would have days like that with no one to run interference. My husband missed potty training and first steps, speech therapy and doctor visits, school activities and soccer games. I sometimes resented him for those things, he got to go back to his apartment and almost be single again. Other times, I lamented that he missed those things because it was time in his children's lives that he would never get back.

Through all of the heartache, fear, uncertainty, and anxiety we all found our inner strength. I was able to run the house everyday, get the kids to school (almost on time), and find new adventures for the kids and I to go on. We visited libraries, museums, zoos, beaches, farmer's markets, and more. We took the dog hiking and went on coyote hunts (thankfully never finding one). We tracked mountain lions and watched seagulls. I used that year to find my inner voice and strength as a mom. My children learned that it is ok to miss someone. They discovered that that person will always be close in their heart. They also learned that their dad loves them so much, he was willing to sacrifice a year away to provide for them in the future. My husband also found a new strength. He has learned that it is very tough to be away from his family and that our time together should never be taken for granted.

We all have challenges we must face. Even when we don't think we are up for it, we manage to pull from reserves we didn't know we had. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall, but if we just keep getting up, we may surprise ourselves with just how far we have come and just what we can handle. Challenges are really a way for us to show the world that we can do it and we are courageous enough to try.

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A Scare

Has it ever happened to one of you?

Not a pregnancy scare, or an OMG I almost got in a car wreck scare. You get a call and you worry that it's The Call.

I was just leaving the YWCA after a swim, and my cell rang with a local number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?" I said.
"Hello, this is Lieutenant J." she said.

My heart skipped a beat.

"May I speak with Noah?"

They had the wrong cell number in the system: mine instead of his. She needed to talk to him about an upcoming special assignment.

But for a split second, I thought it was The Call.

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Looking for fulltime blog contributor

Do you have a passion for writing? Are you interested in Helping out with the Police Wives Unite Blog? http:www.policewivesunite.blogspot.com If you are interested in Helping with the blog and can commit to ATLEAST 2 posts a week Please email Desiree to apply


desireemcampos@comcast.net


Make sure you put in the header PWU Blog

Thank you

Admin

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PWU Big Announcement

Hi Everyone,




First, a ginormous THANK YOU to all of you for being the best PW’s anyone could ask for. We've had a record number of posts in the last month and have been experiencing on going problems with the NING site. It has been super slow and increasingly slow as we continue to grow. We were overwhelmed with your enthusiasm. We really wanted to do something nice for you so here's what we did:



We built you a new website



it’s www.policewivesunite.com this is a forum based website. Some of you may find this easier to navigate and others harder. We know how hard it is to change something that you have just gotten used to. That’s why we will be keeping NING and slowly encouraging everyone to make the transition over to the .com site.



The new website will launch this week and here's what you can expect:

• More professional look

• More features

• Forums for easier access

• Quicker sign-up process

• Links and resource page for helpful information

• You will have your own profile and have the ability to add friends



Thanks again for being so great. We really are a sisterhood in itself



Kelly, Desiree & Admin Team

Police Wives Unite

policewivesunite@yahoo.com

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