Ive been asked alot by non police wives :
How do you sleep at night knowing your husband is out there?
Well, let me tell you; when Mr Deputy and I first got together nights were easy. We lived in a house not only with my 2 daughters and his son but His sister and her now husband, So i was never alone. { iam still technically never alone since the kids are here..lol} I had P and C to talk to during the night until i was tired and went to bed. It wasnt until after they moved out that things were rough on me.
Once i was in the house alone with just the kids the nights started getting harder on me. One because we use to live in the ghetto and i was scared of someone breaking in and killing/raping/torturing me and my children. It was a constant stream of fear for me. At the begining a never really had the fear of something happening to Mr Deputy; I had that "he wont get hurt he is invinsible" thing going on.
Last year on June 15th I got a fat reality check off that one. Mr Deputys Partner was killed and i realized JUST how close it came to being Mr Deputy. Since we had moved into a better neighborhood my fears had pretty much gone away until that night. After that I didnt sleep at night for 3 months. I pretty much begged Mr Deputy to find a way to stay home after he finally went back. When he couldnt call in anymore and had to return to work I did my best to put on my confident face and kiss him good bye and let him actually go out the door. Once he was gone though it was a whole other story.
The first few weeks i would actually put both Mr A and Miss O in bed with me. i needed that comfort of my children there with me. Although i never slept; after they would pass out i would get up and browse the internet until 3-4 in the morning when i knew it would be close to Mr Deputy coming home. I have to admit that Mr Deputy must have sensed my uneasyness because he would text me alot during the night. Just simple Hi, whatcha doing type texts... you know the kinds that when you read between the lines say: " I know your worried about me and I dont want you to worry and i am alright and I love you" So that eased things a little.
I had the support of a few close friends that didnt mind me keeping them up late at night :) to them i am truly grateful. and I found Support sites. It was nice to know that there were other woman { and a few males} out there that understand everything that goes into the Law Enforcement lifestyle.
So I guess to answer peoples questions i would say that; I make it through the night by having the confidence in knowing that Mr Deputy does his best to stay safe while out there; He has proper training with his job. I have the confidence in knowing that he is out their protecting others all the while waiting to come home to his family. I have the confidence in knowing that i have support from close friends and Spouses of Law Enforcement sites. I pray to god each night that Mr Deputy and his shift stay safe. and I have Faith that when i lay down to go to sleep i wont be woken up because its "the night" that something terrible happens to Mr Deputy.
Am i totally convienced that everything will be ok all the time. No i am not. I still have the fear but i have learned that if you let the fear consume you you will never be able to function a daily life while he is on shift. Its all a balance of keeping busy and praying that you dont get that knock on the door.
So my question to fellow PW's is How do you make it through the night?
Read more
How do you sleep at night knowing your husband is out there?
Well, let me tell you; when Mr Deputy and I first got together nights were easy. We lived in a house not only with my 2 daughters and his son but His sister and her now husband, So i was never alone. { iam still technically never alone since the kids are here..lol} I had P and C to talk to during the night until i was tired and went to bed. It wasnt until after they moved out that things were rough on me.
Once i was in the house alone with just the kids the nights started getting harder on me. One because we use to live in the ghetto and i was scared of someone breaking in and killing/raping/torturing me and my children. It was a constant stream of fear for me. At the begining a never really had the fear of something happening to Mr Deputy; I had that "he wont get hurt he is invinsible" thing going on.
Last year on June 15th I got a fat reality check off that one. Mr Deputys Partner was killed and i realized JUST how close it came to being Mr Deputy. Since we had moved into a better neighborhood my fears had pretty much gone away until that night. After that I didnt sleep at night for 3 months. I pretty much begged Mr Deputy to find a way to stay home after he finally went back. When he couldnt call in anymore and had to return to work I did my best to put on my confident face and kiss him good bye and let him actually go out the door. Once he was gone though it was a whole other story.
The first few weeks i would actually put both Mr A and Miss O in bed with me. i needed that comfort of my children there with me. Although i never slept; after they would pass out i would get up and browse the internet until 3-4 in the morning when i knew it would be close to Mr Deputy coming home. I have to admit that Mr Deputy must have sensed my uneasyness because he would text me alot during the night. Just simple Hi, whatcha doing type texts... you know the kinds that when you read between the lines say: " I know your worried about me and I dont want you to worry and i am alright and I love you" So that eased things a little.
I had the support of a few close friends that didnt mind me keeping them up late at night :) to them i am truly grateful. and I found Support sites. It was nice to know that there were other woman { and a few males} out there that understand everything that goes into the Law Enforcement lifestyle.
So I guess to answer peoples questions i would say that; I make it through the night by having the confidence in knowing that Mr Deputy does his best to stay safe while out there; He has proper training with his job. I have the confidence in knowing that he is out their protecting others all the while waiting to come home to his family. I have the confidence in knowing that i have support from close friends and Spouses of Law Enforcement sites. I pray to god each night that Mr Deputy and his shift stay safe. and I have Faith that when i lay down to go to sleep i wont be woken up because its "the night" that something terrible happens to Mr Deputy.
Am i totally convienced that everything will be ok all the time. No i am not. I still have the fear but i have learned that if you let the fear consume you you will never be able to function a daily life while he is on shift. Its all a balance of keeping busy and praying that you dont get that knock on the door.
So my question to fellow PW's is How do you make it through the night?
