It's Saturday morning and I am listening to the sound of my children playing. I consider myself lucky today. My husband will be home later this afternoon and for that reason, I am very lucky. It wasn't all that long ago when we would not see him for days, sometimes weeks. See, I was spoiled for a long time. When I met my husband he had a position that allowed him to work Monday thru Friday, normal daytime hours. He also had all the major (and some not so major) holidays off. Then he decided he wanted to promote. I supported (and still do) his decision. I helped him study, grilled him for his oral boards, and helped him fine tune his resume. When he made the promotional list, we celebrated. Although I knew that this meant a return to shift work, because I had not experienced it previously, it took a bit of adjusting.
Then the offers began to roll in for openings. As he works for a state agency, this left the possibility of relocation on the table. What we were not expecting was the economic conditions that have hit our country and especially the state we live in so hard. We went from being excited about the prospect of moving our family to a new area, to realizing that we could not afford to make the move as a family. Then he was assigned to his new area. It was five hours away. I was devastated. He and I had not been away from each other for more than a few days since we had dated. Our children were very young, one still an infant. As a stay at home mom, I didn't realize just how much I had taken for granted his companionship and adult conversation. I didn't know if I had the strength. I couldn't share my disappointment and fear with him. He was about to embark on a journey of his own and without the comfort of family near him.
I put on my best supportive face and threw him a going away party. The kids and I surprised him with photos for his desk and new apartment. We packed up our car and drove up with him to his new post. When we drove away, I wanted to sob, but I couldn't because our children were in the backseat and I didn't want to scare them. As it was, they were too young to understand what was going on. We made the long drive home. It wasn't until I walked into our bedroom and realized that all of his stuff was gone, that it fully hit me. I sobbed like a baby, for my children, for my husband and all that he would miss in our children's lives, and for myself. I was now a single mother whether I liked it or not.
I know that this year was as hard on my husband as it was on myself and the children, but in very different ways. In the beginning, we both had to adjust to being lonely. Although we spoke everyday by phone and occasionally through a webcam, it still wasn't the same. He was surrounded by new people, in a new position, in a new city. He was the low man on the totem pole, and that in itself can be stressful. He missed his family, his home, and everything familiar. For our children and myself, there was a giant hole in our lives. Daddy wasn't there for us when we fell and scraped our knees, when we took our first steps, or when we needed a shoulder to cry on. I continually told myself that I shouldn't be upset and how fortunate we were that he was only five hours away. I couldn't and still can't imagine what military families go through when their loved ones go off to war and there is the uncertainty of their safe return. But no matter how many times you repeat those words, it does not fill the void in your heart.
We made it through that year. It wasn't easy, but we all searched deep down inside and pulled it together. There were times that I wanted to throw in the towel. It was heart wrenching to explain to our then 2 year old that Daddy had to leave again after being home for 72 hours, to go back to work. He would stand in the doorway and watch as my husband drove away and then he would wail, "I want my daddy". When our youngest said his first words, I never expected them to be "Bye bye Daddy". On the days that our two year old was being two, I cursed my husband. Our child is a very stubborn child, and sometimes cannot be persuaded to do anything. Those are the times when I really needed a break, because we would have days like that with no one to run interference. My husband missed potty training and first steps, speech therapy and doctor visits, school activities and soccer games. I sometimes resented him for those things, he got to go back to his apartment and almost be single again. Other times, I lamented that he missed those things because it was time in his children's lives that he would never get back.
Through all of the heartache, fear, uncertainty, and anxiety we all found our inner strength. I was able to run the house everyday, get the kids to school (almost on time), and find new adventures for the kids and I to go on. We visited libraries, museums, zoos, beaches, farmer's markets, and more. We took the dog hiking and went on coyote hunts (thankfully never finding one). We tracked mountain lions and watched seagulls. I used that year to find my inner voice and strength as a mom. My children learned that it is ok to miss someone. They discovered that that person will always be close in their heart. They also learned that their dad loves them so much, he was willing to sacrifice a year away to provide for them in the future. My husband also found a new strength. He has learned that it is very tough to be away from his family and that our time together should never be taken for granted.
We all have challenges we must face. Even when we don't think we are up for it, we manage to pull from reserves we didn't know we had. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall, but if we just keep getting up, we may surprise ourselves with just how far we have come and just what we can handle. Challenges are really a way for us to show the world that we can do it and we are courageous enough to try.
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Then the offers began to roll in for openings. As he works for a state agency, this left the possibility of relocation on the table. What we were not expecting was the economic conditions that have hit our country and especially the state we live in so hard. We went from being excited about the prospect of moving our family to a new area, to realizing that we could not afford to make the move as a family. Then he was assigned to his new area. It was five hours away. I was devastated. He and I had not been away from each other for more than a few days since we had dated. Our children were very young, one still an infant. As a stay at home mom, I didn't realize just how much I had taken for granted his companionship and adult conversation. I didn't know if I had the strength. I couldn't share my disappointment and fear with him. He was about to embark on a journey of his own and without the comfort of family near him.
I put on my best supportive face and threw him a going away party. The kids and I surprised him with photos for his desk and new apartment. We packed up our car and drove up with him to his new post. When we drove away, I wanted to sob, but I couldn't because our children were in the backseat and I didn't want to scare them. As it was, they were too young to understand what was going on. We made the long drive home. It wasn't until I walked into our bedroom and realized that all of his stuff was gone, that it fully hit me. I sobbed like a baby, for my children, for my husband and all that he would miss in our children's lives, and for myself. I was now a single mother whether I liked it or not.
I know that this year was as hard on my husband as it was on myself and the children, but in very different ways. In the beginning, we both had to adjust to being lonely. Although we spoke everyday by phone and occasionally through a webcam, it still wasn't the same. He was surrounded by new people, in a new position, in a new city. He was the low man on the totem pole, and that in itself can be stressful. He missed his family, his home, and everything familiar. For our children and myself, there was a giant hole in our lives. Daddy wasn't there for us when we fell and scraped our knees, when we took our first steps, or when we needed a shoulder to cry on. I continually told myself that I shouldn't be upset and how fortunate we were that he was only five hours away. I couldn't and still can't imagine what military families go through when their loved ones go off to war and there is the uncertainty of their safe return. But no matter how many times you repeat those words, it does not fill the void in your heart.
We made it through that year. It wasn't easy, but we all searched deep down inside and pulled it together. There were times that I wanted to throw in the towel. It was heart wrenching to explain to our then 2 year old that Daddy had to leave again after being home for 72 hours, to go back to work. He would stand in the doorway and watch as my husband drove away and then he would wail, "I want my daddy". When our youngest said his first words, I never expected them to be "Bye bye Daddy". On the days that our two year old was being two, I cursed my husband. Our child is a very stubborn child, and sometimes cannot be persuaded to do anything. Those are the times when I really needed a break, because we would have days like that with no one to run interference. My husband missed potty training and first steps, speech therapy and doctor visits, school activities and soccer games. I sometimes resented him for those things, he got to go back to his apartment and almost be single again. Other times, I lamented that he missed those things because it was time in his children's lives that he would never get back.
Through all of the heartache, fear, uncertainty, and anxiety we all found our inner strength. I was able to run the house everyday, get the kids to school (almost on time), and find new adventures for the kids and I to go on. We visited libraries, museums, zoos, beaches, farmer's markets, and more. We took the dog hiking and went on coyote hunts (thankfully never finding one). We tracked mountain lions and watched seagulls. I used that year to find my inner voice and strength as a mom. My children learned that it is ok to miss someone. They discovered that that person will always be close in their heart. They also learned that their dad loves them so much, he was willing to sacrifice a year away to provide for them in the future. My husband also found a new strength. He has learned that it is very tough to be away from his family and that our time together should never be taken for granted.
We all have challenges we must face. Even when we don't think we are up for it, we manage to pull from reserves we didn't know we had. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall, but if we just keep getting up, we may surprise ourselves with just how far we have come and just what we can handle. Challenges are really a way for us to show the world that we can do it and we are courageous enough to try.
