Rituals........

These simple phrases bring such strong thoughts and vivid images into people's minds. You can see the image of a wife and kids waiting for a patrol car to drive up when you say the words 'An Officer's Family.' Perhaps you see a uniformed man sitting with his wife and children, protecting them from the world. Being an officer is central to all aspects of one's life. Images will reflect this fact. After all, a law enforcement officer is never off duty.


'The rotating shift' may bring to mind a picture of a family carrying on a weekend alone. It can bring to mind a picture of a police family carrying on holiday activities without their police parent. While the officer works a weekend or sleeps after a night shift, the family lives on, together, but apart. Again, the 'job' is central to the lifestyle, central to the image.

The idea of 'rituals' probably doesn't bring a similar image. Most people associate rituals with religious or anti-religious events. However, rituals are one of the most important aspects of a healthy life for a law enforcement family.

Rituals are the foundation for a sense of community regardless of whether that community is a congregation, a cult or a family. Webster's dictionary defines a ritual as a pattern of behavior that is repeated in a set manner. If you came from a typical family, you will remember many rituals--perhaps the evening meal where everyone took turns telling about their day, perhaps Christmas day unwrapping and playing with presents, perhaps something as simple as a nightly story reading and tuck into bed.

Police families often have their rituals interrupted by the demands of the job. Frequently, the officer is not available to participate in the family rituals. When a brick is missing in the foundation, the structure weakens. A weakened structure will more readily feel the damage from a storm. The police family needs to work hard at establishing rituals in order to fortify the normal ups and downs of a marriage.

For example, if Dad is an officer and is working a three-to-eleven, he can't be at dinner. The dinner must go on, to steal an old show biz cliche. After everyone tells their story at dinner, the conversation can slip into what to say to Dad when he phones for his evening call. The kids can be given a one or two minute segment of a nightly phone call to present their day to Daddy. This way Daddy becomes part of the dinner, part of the ritual. What's important is that the same pattern is repeated whenever Daddy is on three-to-elevens.

If Mom is an officer and can't be there some nights to tuck in, she can be a topic of discussion at bedtime. "What do you want me to tell Mommy about today? Let's write it down for her. Now give me an extra kiss for Mommy when she comes home." One corrections mom even tapes a nightly message for her kids when she wont be home. It doesn't replace Mommy, but it brings her into the ritual. With a small amount of thought, creativity and a little extra work, the absent partner can always be present in one form or another. The benefits are worth the extra effort.

On the job, a partner watches your back, takes care of you. At home, a partner has to do the same. Bring your partner into the rituals. Build the most important foundation of your home, a strong family life.
 
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